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Home-made anti-aging products

1st June 2007

Sometimes you've got to laugh, or else you'll cry...

At least that's how I'd react if I had to try this bizarre antiwrinkle treatment...

Gold dust at the bottom of the bird cage

Now, I know the antiageing market is big business, and people will try almost anything (and pay almost anything) to look younger.

But you'd think they'd draw the line at poo, wouldn't you?

Well not the ladies of Knightsbridge, oh no...

In order to beat ageing, these ladies who lunch are queuing up to try the latest miracle wrinkle cure nightingale poo.

(And I thought it was bad enough Lara getting into bed covered in face cream!)

I swear this is true.

The poo is applied to the face for 90 minutes, and the salons claim the results have been unbelievable.

And maybe, just maybe, they have a point...

A distasteful remedy discovered by Geisha girls

Apparently, this remedy was first introduced by the Geisha girls of Kyoto. They used a compound made from nightingale droppings to remove make up and keep their skin smooth and youthful.

And it may just work...

You see the droppings contain a high level of something called guanine an enzyme which experts suggest could really help 'mend' skin.

Here's what happens.

When our DNA is damaged, the most obvious effect is to the skin, which prematurely ages. But as guanine is one of the primary substances in our DNA, it naturally helps repair DNA damage by strengthening the DNA makeup.

Of course, the droppings aren't just taken from the bird and slapped directly onto your face. They are mixed with white clay, which is then treated to remove all bacteria before being applied as a mask.
But even so, it all seems a bit extreme. (Although not as extreme as one hair treatment currently on offer... a shampoo made from bull semen).

It's certainly not something I fancy trying, but it seems people with money are more then happy to slap anything on their face.

Hey... maybe I've hit upon a great little home business idea for all you budgie or parrot owners.

When you clean out the cage, bottle up all the droppings, smack a fancy label on it (maybe something in French. Le Crap perhaps...?) and start a mail order business.

I think I'll pass this idea onto my mate Lewis.

In case you don't know, Lewis Geary writes the most brilliant free e-letter called The Rich Life Letter, showing you dozens of little ways to make money, save money and generally get more for less effort. If you're not getting it, you really should. It's great entertainment.

Find out more about him here:


In the meantime, here are some great natural skin treatments that don't involve you having to go round your neighbourhood scraping muck off car windows...

Why getting food on your face is good for you

So you don't fancy sneaking up behind a nightingale, bursting a crisp packet just behind its back and scooping up the results, and you don't want to spend ridiculous sums of money on fancy skin care products...

Well rest assured you don't have to. There are dozens of safe, cheap natural remedies that can leave your skin feeling fresh and looking great.

Here are just a few of them:
  • Make a solution of cucumber juice, rose water and lime juice in equal measures. Wash your face just before you go to bed, and massage the mixture over your face. Let it really soak in overnight, and wash your face again in the morning. Try this a few times and your skin will look clearer and will be healthier.

  • A quick swig of a raw papaya (or paw paw) smoothie can help zap all those pesky blemishes like pimples, spots and white heads. Make sure you include the roughage - the skin and the seeds - in your drink. If you have any of the fruit left over, rub a piece over your face to get it smooth and vibrant.

  • Garlic to the rescue yet again! Garlic has so many marvellous benefits; I wouldn't be surprised if it solved the Middle East conflict given half the chance. But for now let's just get it sorting your skin out. First off, you can use a clove of raw garlic to tackle stubborn pimples. Just rub some over the problem area, and the blemish should disappear without a trace after a few days.

    Alternatively, you can crush 3 cloves of garlic with a little puffed rice, add water, and down it to help clear skin infections quickly.

  • Cabbage. Take 30 ml. of cabbage juice and mix one teaspoon of honey. Dab the mixture on your face every evening to help keep the wrinkles at bay.

  • Beat the sun this summer! If you find your face looking like a red traffic light after too much time spent in the sun, get your hands on some fresh apricot juice and apply to the affected areas.

  • To make your skin look young and healthy, crush some raw carrots till you've made a paste, then apply it to the face. Wash it off after one hour.

Okay, so that's the cure side sorted out. But how about my old favourite... the prevention...?

Here are a few changes you should make if you repeatedly suffer from bad skin...

3 ways to prevent bad skin...

There's no mystery to this...

If you're not eating the right things, your skin will let you know about it. As with so many ailments, your diet can have an amazing outcome on how healthy you are and how healthy you look.

And bad skin is usually down to one thing...

A bad digestive system.

Here are three ways to get your digestive system ticking over nicely...
  • Drink more water. What do you do when you want to clean a sink out? Simple - you turn the taps on and rinse away the rubbish. Well, you can do EXACTLY the same with your gut. By drinking water, you're helping to flush out the waste, which in turn helps prevent constipation.

  • Eat more fibre. The recommended fibre intake for men is 38g between the ages of 19-50, and 31 g if you're over 50. For women it's 25 g and 21g respectively. But most people are woefully short of these measures. The easy way to up your intake is to eat an apple a day, and replace refined foods with whole grain foods.

  • Get moving! Exercise is one of the best ways to get your skin healthy, so make sure you go for a brisk stroll during the day. Get the heart pounding and your skin glowing. Even if you work, there's no excuse NOT to exercise no matter how busy you are. Pick a sandwich bar that's further away than normal, walk to the nearest park to have your lunch....there are a hundred ways you can incorporate a bit of exercise into your day, so do it.
Okay, that's enough from Sergeant Major Collins for today. Have a great weekend, and I'll be back again on Sunday.

Till then, at ease.

Yours as ever,

Ray Collins
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